Every time I leave my apartment and every time I walk into it again, I unavoidably walk under a row of massive icicles. Contrary to popular belief they are not nature's way of adding beautiful decorations to the side of your house--they are death traps. I live in subtle fear of being impaled by one of those two-foot daggers. For a while, I would look up as I passed underneath to make sure one wasn't falling, but it has since occurred to me that that is a really stupid idea. If an icicle is going to assault me, I'd rather that it didn't put a hole in my face. So now I am left to wonder . . . what is the best way for me to hold my head when I pass under the veil of death? I don't really want an icicle in the crown of my head, but if I bend my head forward, the icicle might sever my spinal chord, which I'm pretty sure is worse. The best option is still unclear. Has it really come to choosing the lesser of several evils? I certainly hope not, but I fear my hopes are vain.
Icicles are bad